


Never outgrew my old playground

by FanFicReader01



Series: The Playground [1]
Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: AU, Angst, Childhood, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt, Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories, The armada has finally arrived, They are all in one big loving relationship, bromance and romance, i will drown in my own fics eventually, lots of feels, many references to their songs as usual, origins au, playground, poets of the fall - Freeform, potf, they have different ages in this story, totally ignored the canon ages lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-09-28 17:06:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 11,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10140737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: That lovely playground with so much blissful memories.





	1. Fountain of my youth

_Which way to the fountain of my youth I wonder_

_Which way to the years I've let go by_

_Let a thirsty man drink in its memories while the water still flows sweet and crystal clear_

Marko lays in his bed. His breathing is steady, but he is very tired. His eyelids feel heavy even when closed. In fact, his whole body feels burdensome.

He spreads his fingers on the blanket. They tremble a little. The retired singer turns his head slightly to the left so he has a nice view on his window.

The curtains that used to hang there, have been removed a few years ago. Who needs curtains if you have a view that nice?

 A bright moon shines its silver on the environment.

There appears a faint smile on Marko’s lips as he looks outside the window.

The green is green like ever. The large tree in the middle of the meadow forever bulky and strong.

He can see the six swings move lightly due to the soft breeze. The old seesaw is heard creaking.

Yet, Marko thinks it’s a very soothing sound to hear.

 

Then he closes his eyes again and lets his mind wander. He thinks about that lovely playground.

The playground where all the magic happened. The playground where his childhood is engraved.

Ah, that lovely playground with so much blissful memories.

Marko decides to recall some of the most significant moments he experienced there.


	2. Birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter:  
> Marko = around 5 yo  
> Markus= around 6 yo

_I see you gently swaying_

_In a sea of seesaws_

Marko is still too young to really help his father in their large garden, but he watches him anyway.

He observes how his dad is building a small playground for him.

 ‘Here come the swings’, his father points out an invisible vertical line from one branch of the tree to the bottom.

 ‘Whoa! Isn’t that a bit too high?’, Marko exclaims in disbelief. The tree is almost as big as his house.

His father laughs and says: ‘I’ll use a ladder to climb to the top and attach the ropes of the swing. The actual seats will be much lower, don’t you worry about that!’

 ‘What are you building now?’, the kid wants to know. His father has a tool box placed on the bench.

‘The seesaw. You see that large board over there? That’s eventually going to be the seesaw. If you want, you can help me paint it after it’s done.’

Marko’s eyes widen and start to sparkle. Excited he runs around the garden.

 ‘Marko!’, the voice of his mother makes the kid look at the backdoor.

His mother is standing in the door opening with a tray in her hands. The cheerful kid hops to her and tries to look at the stuff on the tray.

 ‘I see you and your dad are working hard on that playground! So I thought I might give you two some food to enjoy!’, Marko’s mother explains. She lowers the tray and lets her son take the glass of milk and a cupcake. She walks over to her husband who she then offers a cup of coffee.

 ‘Mom! Mom!’, Marko jumps around a little.

‘What is it, sweetie?’, she smiles at him. ‘I’m going to help dad! I can paint the seesaw!’, the kid announces. He can hardly contain his excitement.

 ‘Be careful with your clothes then. You might wanna change into some older ones’, his mother warns Marko and the kid nods in response.

 

Marko paints the seesaw red. The swing set gets colored in yellow. The slide has the color of the sky.

Eventually some of Marko’s handprints get onto it too.

After he puts the last handprint on the slide, he smiles and his father pats him on the head.

 ‘Well done, my son. It looks very colorful!’

His mother joins too and praises her son too. ‘So, when are you going to invite your friends from school?’, she asks.

Marko lets his head hang a bit. ‘I don’t have many friends yet on this school’, he mutters.

 ‘What about that kid from the neighbors?’, his father suggests.

The kid smiles again and nods heavily. ‘Good idea!’

 

The following day Marko asks his neighbor to take a look at the new playground in his backyard.

‘So, what’s your name? You’re new here, right?’, the kid asks Marko.

‘Yes, my name is Marko. And you? I’ve only seen mister and misses Kaarlonen so far.’

 ‘I’m Markus’, the other kid answers.

‘Cool. We almost have the same name!’, Marko states.

 

After the two kids had a drink they go to the backyard.

 ‘Impressive! Did you make it all by yourself?’, the kid with the fluffy black hair asks astonished.

‘My dad helped. I painted it!’, Marko exclaims. ‘Wanna play?’

 ‘Sure!’, the two kids first go for the slide.

‘Hehe, are those your hands?’, Markus points at the red and green handprints.

Marko grins and then nods.

 

_Those were Marko’s earliest memories from that playground._


	3. A world of wonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marko is like 7 and Markus is respectively 8

_Look at me now, you're living_

_In a world of wonder_

Marko and Markus spent many hours together at the playground.

Although there are only the slide, the seesaws and the swing set, they have lots of fun.

Their fantasy turns the whole place into dangerous dungeons full of dragons. Sometimes they find themselves in the desert and eventually in a pyramid full of treasures with an angry mummy who chases them around the tree.

The same fantasy turns the tree into a large tower in which one of them is locked up by an evil witch. The other has to defeat the evil witch and rescue the other kid.

Sometimes they are in a western play where one is the cowboy, the other the Indian.

Sometimes they are robber and cop. As of late, they play rock musicians. Markus even got a small keyboard for Christmas and Marko had a microphone.

 

During one of the classes at school, one teacher asks Marko what he plays with other kids.

 ‘I like to imagine we’re rockstars. Or we play rescuer and captive. I like to play the knight.’

‘Oh, and who is the lucky princess who gets rescued?’, the teacher then asks.

Marko laughs and says: ‘Markus. But he is no princess. Although he is pretty enough to be a princess, he is actually a prince.’

 The teacher gives the kid an awkward smile and continues to ask other kids about their games.

Marko wonders if he gave the wrong answer because his teacher doesn’t talk to him anymore.

 

‘Markus?’, Marko is sitting on one end of the seesaw, his friend on the other side.

‘What is it?’

‘Do you mind being rescued by me?’, the blond kid asks hesitatingly. Markus doesn’t seem to understand.

 ‘You mean when we play in the tower? Where you are the knight and I’m the captive of that evil witch?’

 Marko nods. ‘Yes. I told my teacher that we play that often. She gave me a weird look and ignored me for the rest of the day’, the kid outs his concern.

 Markus scratches his head. ‘Maybe she doesn’t like it when a prince needs to be rescued?’

Marko replies: ‘Probably. She first thought you were a girl. I didn’t tell her your name yet. Maybe the next time we play it, you should be a princess.’

 That answer incites a small chuckle from Markus. ‘Alright. Fine by me. Do you think I’m handsome enough to play a princess, though?’

 Marko exclaims: ‘Of course! You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen!’

It makes his friend blush. ‘Thank you, Marko. I really like you too.’

 

_Markus was his first friend in the new neighborhood. And he was the first person to see the playground._

 


	4. Someone special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marko is 11-12  
> Markus is 12-13  
> Jani is 11-12

_L_ _ook beyond the light, where you'd least expect_

_There's someone special_

In the last year of elementary school, Marko gets a new classmate. Jani Snellman.

He’s a very cheerful guy, just like Marko. Together they doodle a lot in their notebooks. One time, they even got “detention” because their test had more scribbles than answers on it.

  Marko introduces Jani to Markus. Luckily the two boys become friends too.

Although their group is at an uneven number, they hardly fight and jealousy doesn’t even cross their youthful minds.

 Markus is the oldest of the group, so they nicknamed him Captain or Kapu for short. They have yet to find nicknames for themselves.

 

 Because Markus has already  started his secondary school, he doesn’t see the others often anymore. Much to everyone’s disappointment.

  This fact leaves Marko and Jani alone on the playground in Marko’s backyard.

 

‘Guess it sucks when you go to Markus’ school’, Jani states as he slightly moves on his swing.

Marko shrugs his shoulders. ‘I think it’s pretty cool what we’re going to learn next year.’

 ‘ _If_ we make it this year’, Jani sounds discouraged.

‘What do you mean with _if_? I think we’re doing pretty good so far’, Marko argues. He has a worried look on his face. He doesn’t want Jani to be concerned.

 ‘Previous year, I hardly made it’, the other boy confesses. Marko sits on the other swing and together they start to sway up and down.

 ‘I think we’ll make it somehow’, Marko keeps persistent. He smiles his brightest smile at his friend which makes Jani smile back. He even grins with all his teeth bared.

 ‘Let’s talk about something else’, Jani tries to change the subject.

‘Okay’, Marko agrees.

The other boy keeps looking for Marko’s eyes and asks: ‘Let’s synch up and see who can jump the furthest!’

 Marko nods.

With some effort, the two kids manage to swing at the same time.’

 ‘On my signal’, Jani says. ‘One, two, three!’

Both of them jump off their seats and leap through the sky. The sun behind their backs.

Jani ends up a bit further than his friend. Marko rolls to his friend and giggles.

 ‘You jumped earlier, that’s unfair!’, he snorts and Jani gives him a playful push.

‘Liar! I won!’

 ‘Alright then. Let’s see who rolls the fastest from the hill!’, Marko jumps back to his feet and already runs to the hillside.

 ‘Wait for me!’, Jani yells as he spurts after the other kid.

Together they roll down the hill. Marko reaches the bottom first. He tries to roll away when he sees Jani approaching, but the boy already falls on him. It leaves both of them laughing until their tummies hurt.

  They’re both covered in countless blades of grass.

Jani is staring into Marko’s eyes. They twinkle. ‘I won this time’, Marko grins.

 

The two boys get up from the grass and climb up the hill again. Hopefully their mothers won’t complain about their clothes full of grass.

 They sit in the swings again.

‘I have a present for you. Because you won’, Jani suddenly states. He jumps off his swing and walks to Marko who looks surprised.

 ‘Well, eh, I have nothing for you. I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine though’, Jani reassures his friend.

And then Jani moves his face closer to the other boy and presses a quick kiss on his lips.

Marko’s face reddens. There’s now a blush on Jani’s cheeks as well.

He quickly sits back in his own seat and faces Marko.

 ‘Why did you kiss me?’, the blond boy asks curiously. Although he doesn’t mind being kissed by Jani.

‘It's my present. B- because I really like you. You’re very handsome and I love your voice. You should totally become a singer one day! It’s your dream, right? And I hope I still live to see that dream come true!’, Jani chatters on in one breath.

 Marko feels flattered. He didn’t expect Jani to like him _this_ much. He likes it though.

Now that he starts to think about it, he likes the other boy too.

 ‘I like you too, Jani. You’re a really good friend. You’re my best friend’, Marko finally states.

With that, he walks over to Jani and kisses his friend on both cheeks.

Jani places one hand on his own face as if he can’t believe he just got kissed too.

 ‘But what about Kapu?’, Jani wonders. ‘Isn’t he your best friend?’

Marko nods: ‘He’s also a best friend. You both are best friends of mine. Can’t you have more than one best friend?’

 ‘I guess so’, Jani mumbles. The two friends look at the sunset together.

‘Let’s hold hands then’, Marko declares. He leans a little to the side so he can reach Jani’s hand.

Their hands are loosely entangled with one another and they sway softly.

 

After some time has passed, Jani gets picked up by his mother.

 ‘See you tomorrow at school!’, he says while waving with his hand.

Marko waves back and shouts: ‘Bye, Jani!’

 

_On that playground, Marko got his first kiss._


	5. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marko & Jani are 15 and Kapu is 16.  
> I count in our Dutch school system :P There are six years divided in three grades

_Crying when nobody_

_Ever sees your tears_

_When no one sees your tears_

In the fourth year on the secondary school, life takes a nasty turn for one of Marko’s friends.

Jani has trouble at home. His parents are arguing all the time. They yell and shout. Heck, they even throw stuff at each other. And Jani just stands there. Witnessing it all. He feels helpless and powerless.

He visits Marko’s playground more often than normally.

Marko just gets used to it and tries to comforts his friend the best way he can.

His parents don’t mind either and say that Jani is always welcome in their household.

 

One day, Jani suggest they should built a treehouse.

 ‘Our very own clubhouse!’, Jani states and the others agree.

Marko’s dad helps them building the thing. In weekends the three boys gather together at the foot of the tree to work on the house.

 ‘Just make sure the swing set doesn’t have to be removed’, Marko warns as they make the blueprints.

Jani is the one who designs the treehouse. Markus pats the guy on the shoulder and comments he should become an architect.

Thanks to this project, Jani can focus on something that aren’t his parents on the brink of a divorce.

When the treehouse is done, Marko adds a third swing to the tree.

 ‘How could I not think about it before’, he laughs.

The three students spent many hours in the treehouse. They’ve decorated it with silly doodles they drew at school and the toy keyboard of Kapu.

 ‘Isn’t music something for you?’, Markus asks Jani.

The guy shrugs his shoulders and says he isn’t sure. ‘Maybe. At the moment, not really.’

 

One day Jani comes to Marko’s house in tears. Marko knows what happened.

He comforts Jani in the treehouse and holds him in his arms.

 ‘I have to move out. I can’t stay here any longer’, he snivels.

‘It’s okay. We can still see each other in weekends, right?’, Marko hushes but Jani shakes his head.

‘I’m afraid not. It’s on the other side of the country.’

Marko makes Jani look up into his eyes. ‘Then we just have to use our phones more. Chat more via    

  mail.’

Jani mumbles and rests his head against Marko’s chest.

 ‘I’m going to miss our time together, Marko’, Jani whispers.

Marko brushes through Jani’s hair and sighs: ‘Me too. I promise, I’ll save up some money to visit you on the other side of the country.’

 

_On that rainy day, on that playground, Marko lost a friend for the first time in his young life.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be sure, Jani does not die


	6. Morning Tide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marko & Jani: 16  
> Markus: 17-8  
> Olli: 15
> 
> or
> 
> I totally ignore their real ages, lmao

_And we’ll walk to the shore_

_We’ll look over the waves_

Marko, Markus and Jani have a week vacation.

During most holidays, Jani is able to visit his friends again. They talk and laugh and just have a good time together in the old treehouse. They even update the colors of the playground. Markus and Jani's hanprints join Marko's.

 

The three students take a walk to the harbor to watch some ships.

‘Shall we sit on the cliff?’, Markus suggests.

‘Fine by me.’

‘Yeah, me too’, Marko answers.

After a small climb, they reach the top and are surprised to see someone else at the place. Mostly they are the only ones who visit that part of the cliffs.

 It’s another guy who looks like he’s their age.

He looks surprised to see three guys approaching him. He quickly stands up and wants to pack his stuff.

 ‘Don’t worry. We’re not here to chase you away’, Marko assures the stranger.

‘By the way, I’m Marko. And these guys are my friends.’

 ‘Markus’, Captain says.

‘Jani’, the other student nods.

 ‘Oh, I’m Olli’, the stranger introduces himself.

‘Nice to meet you, Olli’, the three friends exclaim, almost at the same time.

 ‘You’re not from around, are you?’, Marko guesses and the other blond youngster nods.

‘Just arrived here’, he says. He then points at the docks. ‘That boat there, at the end, is mine. Well, it’s from my parents technically.’

 Marko squeezes his eyes as he tries to focus on the boats.

‘Nice. How long are you going to stay?’, Markus wants to know.

‘At least a year. Luckily for me. Most of the time we just stay a few months in a city’, Olli answers. He sits down again and the other boys join him.

 ‘You going to school here too, I assume?’, Marko looks Olli in the eyes. He has blue eyes too.

‘Yes. Doing my fourth economy year here.’

 ‘Oh, nice! Too bad we won’t be in the same class then. I’m in my fifth year. Markus is already in his last year and Jani is doing his fifth year at the other side of the country!’

 

During the holiday, the friends are found at the cliffs mostly.

They watch the waves crash against the rocks.

When the weather is too bad to visit the shore, they stay at Marko’s treehouse.

 ‘You built this yourselves?’, Olli asks astonished.

‘Yeah, with some help of my dad’, Marko answers.

Jani grins and states: ‘I made the design.’

Olli takes in the look of the treehouse and notices the keyboard.

 ‘You guys actually play an instrument or something?’, he asks.

‘Yeah. Now I finally have a _real_ keyboard. But this one gives a nice touch to this place. Also it holds many good memories’, Kapu laughs.

 ‘So you guys go way back?’, Olli guesses. The three students nod.

‘I sing’, Marko adds. ‘I don’t do music. Maybe I should consider it, though’, Jani grins.

‘What about you, Olli? You play an instrument?’

‘Yes. I play guitar. I hope to do something with it someday. Otherwise, it just stays a hobby of mine.’

 

_And just like that, another person got to know the playground. And just like that Olli added another sweet memory to Marko's tired mind._


	7. The stars are us

_And so I came to gaze upon the stars, when they were yet unborn_

All holidays have to end eventually.

Jani has to leave again and Marko, Markus and Olli wave him goodbye at the bus stop.

When school starts, the older students show Olli around the campus.

They inform him about the severe teachers and the softies. They also tell him what students he’d better avoid and which ones are chill.

 

Olli becomes another best friend of Marko.

And at the end of the school year, there’s a school festival.

Markus suggests they should team up and perform at the festival.

The other two students deem it to be a good idea and they join the auditions.

They actually make it through with ease and they get to perform at the summer festival.

 

After the party, they go and relax at the playground.

All three swings are now occupied. ‘Should we drink something? To celebrate?’

 ‘To celebrate what?’

‘Our friendship. Our new friendship with this goofy kid here’, Marko grins. ‘Too bad Jani isn’t here to celebrate with us.’

Markus snorts. ‘We’re still underage, ya know?’

 ‘One beer couldn’t hurt us? And if we share one bottle, we all consume even less!’, Marko insists.

‘What do you think, Olli?’, Markus wants to know.

 ‘Why not? There’s a first time for everything, right?’, Olli says with a blush on his cheeks.

Marko laughs and says: ‘I like the way you think!’

 

The boys open a bottle and pass it on to each other.

They chatter some more and laugh.

Eventually the friends lay on the grass together. There are already some stars in the red sky..

 ‘How beautiful’, Olli mumbles. One hand reaches for those little dots in the distance.

Markus, who lays next to Olli, takes the younger guy’s hand and makes him point at the stars.

 ‘You see those three dots aligned?’

Olli nods.

‘And you see those two stars above and those two beneath?’

 ‘Yes. Is it a constellation?’

Kapu shakes his head. ‘Exactly. Marko, can you see it too?’

 ‘Yeah.’

‘It’s Orion. It’s us. We are those three dots’, Markus declares. Olli closes his eyes and mumbles: ‘But what about Jani? We can’t just forget him.’

 ‘Open your eyes again and look closer. Underneath those three dots are three other smaller dots aligned. Jani’s one of them. He may be far away from us now, but he still belongs to our group. Just like those little stars still belong to Orion’s belt.’

 ‘That’s beautiful said, Kapu’, Marko sighs and Olli silently agrees.

 

‘Markus?’, Olli whispers, almost inaudible. Markus turns his head to his new friend.

  ‘What is it?’, he asks.

‘Could you please pass this on to Marko?’, after Olli finishes his sentence, he closes the distance between him and the older student. His lips brush Markus’.

 Kapu doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol that makes him feel warm or if it’s just from that sweet kiss he received from Olli.

 He nods and turns his head to his other friend. Marko has his eyes closed and is humming the song they performed at the festival.

 Kapu closes his eyes and kisses Marko quickly on his cheek. It makes the guy open his eyes and face him.

 ‘What was that for?’

‘Olli wanted me to pass it on’, Markus bluntly replies.

A cheeky grin appears on Marko’s face as he kisses Markus back. ‘Tell Olli that kiss came from me.’

Markus then kisses Olli back. It makes the younger guy giggle.

 He then blows a kiss to the air.

‘What are you doing?’, Markus asks. Olli gives him a smile and says: ‘Just giving a kiss to the wind. May it reach our friend at the other side of the country.’

The others decide to do the same.

 ‘I really love you guys’, Marko murmurs and throws one arm over Kapu.

‘Yes. You guys are amazing’, Olli hums as he snuggles up to Markus.

 ‘Hehe, I love you too’, Kapu grins.

 

_On that playground, Orion became a symbol for eternal friendship. Orion foreshadowed that their group of four would only increase in number._


	8. Can you hear me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marko & Jani: 23-24  
> Markus: 25  
> Olli: 22-23  
> Jaska: 24
> 
> Marko: 19 when he went on living at the studio  
> Marko's parent's moved out of the old house when Marko was 20  
> The house is abandoned for 3 years  
> (srry if this is incorrect, i suck 110% at simple math :P)

_Rich in variety, heartfelt and open, wide like a life, unique, yet so alike_

The boys are no longer boys anymore. They are now young adults with an interesting future ahead.

They have started a small band together and Jani actually has begun to play the bass.

The friends study at the same university which makes it even more practical for them. The guys have rented one studio where they live together now.

 

During a holiday, they go to England for a week.

Apparently Jani knows the owner of one of the pubs they’ll visit. They’re allowed to play there tonight.

Before they play there, they walk around the city.

They are all chattering and laughing when Marko hears something.

 ‘Hey, guys, hold on a sec’, he remarks.

‘What is it?’, Jani asks curiously. They all hold still and look around.

Olli is the first one to notice it too. ‘Wanna check it out?’, the smaller man asks. Marko nods.

 ‘Yes.’

All four follow the sound of the mysterious guitar. It leads them to one of the more abandoned alleyways.

 

Someone is sitting next to a few bins. It’s a man with a thick, brown hoodie. He has the hood over his head which hides part of his face. The guitarist wears ripped jeans which clearly aren’t ripped on purpose.

The sneakers are filthy and used to be brighter. In front of him lays a cap with only a few coins in it.

Although the four friends are standing in front of him, he doesn’t look at them nor does he seem to notice them. He looks lost in his own music.

 ‘That’s a nice piece you’re playing’, Olli dares to speak up.

Finally the man looks up at them. He has a scruffy looking beard and his eyes seem tired.

 ‘Eh, thanks, I guess’, the man mumbles as he stops with playing.

Marko steps closer and asks for the man’s name.

 ‘Jaska Mäkinen’, the guitarist replies with a short nod. The answer leaves the guys baffled.

‘So you’re also from Finland?!’, Marko exclaims. Now it’s Jaska’s turn to be surprised. Well, eventually the accent gives them away.

  ‘I’m surprised’, Markus grins. ‘The world is indeed getting smaller.’

 

‘I thought I could find my luck here, but alas’, Jaska finishes his story. ‘And so I ended up here. The rest is history, really.’

Olli gives the other guitarist a worried look. Then he makes eye-contact with Marko. Marko sees and understands. He gestures Kapu and Jani to come with him too.

 ‘We need to, eh, discuss something’, Marko explains to Jaska. The man doesn’t seem to mind and the friends distance themselves a bit from Jaska.

 

‘Is there nothing we can do to help that guy?’, Olli outs his concerns.

Marko nods. ‘I know. I was thinking the same. I was actually thinking about something.’

 ‘You want him to join us?’, Jani guesses. The singer nods. ‘Exactly.  From the moment I heard that guitar, I got hypnotized. I think it’s a sign. I’d like him to join us. But only if you guys agree, of course.’

The others agree after some discussion.

  ‘Glad we agree’, Marko smiles and turns back to Jaska who is still playing his guitar. The man stops however when he sees the men approach again.

 ‘So, what did you guys discuss?’, he asks.

‘I think we’ll have some good news, Jaska. We really like your music. In fact, I’m in love with it. You play that guitar just as enchantingly like my friend Olli here’, Marko starts and gives Olli a pat on the shoulder.

 ‘We wanted to ask you if you’d like to join our band’, Marko finishes.

Jaska’s eyes grow wide in surprise and confusion. ‘A- are you serious now? You are actually a band?! T- that’s awesome and I, I-’, Jaska stammers. He stands up from the ground and wipes away some dust from his pants.

 ‘I assume that’s a yes?’, Jani grins.

Jaska nods and exclaims: ‘Of course I’d like to join you! But eh, wouldn’t that be too abrupt? To make that decision so fast? Maybe you’ll regret it? I have no home, almost no money.’

 Markus gives Jaska a reassuring nod and says: ‘We’ll find something for you. Besides, tonight we perform in one of the local pubs here. If you want, you can come see us. And if you don’t like what we create, you can still walk away.’

 Jaska gives them a genuine smile. He decides to accompany them to the pub and when he sees them perform live, he’s in total awe and all his doubts about joining the band, disappear.

 

**Just a whisper**

****

_Can you hear me, I know I'm just a whisper_

_Can you hear me, brother mine, sweet sister_

_Love will find an answer_

A few weeks later, Jaska says he wants to talk to Marko about some things.

 

‘Where are we driving anyway?’, Jaska looks out of the window as he sees several houses pass by.

‘To my old home. To the playground’, Marko replies while keeping his eyes focused on the road in front of him. Jaska nods. After some time, they finally arrive at the house.

 ‘It looks abandoned’, Jaska comments.

‘Yes, it is. My parents moved out three years ago. I inherited it’, Marko explains as he opens the front door.

 ‘Never thought about living here again? You moved out when you were 19 right?’, Jaska asks.

‘Yes and maybe I’ll start living here again someday. But I won’t sell it until I’m sure. This place holds a special place in my heart. But mostly the old playground. Which is why we’re here’, Marko informs.

 ‘Hehe, so that’s why you call yourselves Playground’, Jaska finally understands.

 

The two men walk from the empty rooms to the garden. When they’re outside, Jaska takes in the view. He walks to the slide and looks at the paint which has started to peel off.

 ‘So this is the infamous playground?’, Jaska grins. The singer nods.

He decides to sit on the swing, but first checks its safety. ‘Hehe, after four years it still holds’, Marko chuckles when he carefully sits down in the seat. He gestures Jaska to sit in the other swing.

The guitarist looks at the two other empty swings. Marko notices and laughs: ‘Guess we’ll need to have a fifth here now.’

 ‘Is this like a tradition? These swings? This playground?’

‘Lots of stuff has happened here. Too bad I haven’t visited for a long time’, Marko sighs.

 

‘But we came here for you. Earlier on, you said you wanted to talk?’

‘Ah, yes. Geez, I don’t know how to say this but, ehm’, Jaska starts. He sounds really nervous.

 ‘Whatever it is, I’ll listen’, Marko smiles reassuring.

‘I feel like a liability. I still need some job to pay the rent with you guys. I just feel like I’m not needed. That I can’t contribute anything’, Jaska outs his concerns.

‘I’m sorry you feel that way. But we don’t see you as a burden. You only add more magic to our music.  When I first heard your guitar, I knew I wanted the person behind it to join our little band. Regardless if that person were to be a man or a woman, homeless or not’, Marko says.

Jaska slightly sways in the swing. ‘Oh, thanks, Marko. I really hope I can pay you back one day.’

 ‘You don’t need to. You don’t owe me anything’, the singer snorts.

‘I owe you everything! My life, I would still be messed up if you and your friends hadn’t come along that faithful day’, Jaska argues.

 ‘My dear Jaska, do you believe in destiny? Because I sure do. It was meant to be. And I’m hundred, no hundred _and_ ten percent sure the others think the same way.’

Jaska, however, isn’t convinced. His head is lowered as he stares at the ground. Marko swears he sees some tears running down the other guy’s cheeks.

It breaks Marko’s heart to see the other man sad. He stands up from his swing and stands in front of the guitarist. ‘Markus, Jani and Olli love you. _I_ love you. We all love you a lot and we couldn’t miss you anymore.’

 ‘But before we met, you guys were totally fine on your own’, Jaska holds back a sob.

Marko carefully leans in to give Jaska a warm hug. The guitarist holds onto the ropes to keep himself from falling.

 ‘Thanks, Marko’, Jaska whispers. The singer now wipes away the man’s tears and looks him right in the eyes.

 ‘You’re very handsome, you know that?’, the singer remarks and it makes his friend blush.

Marko said it in all honesty and then presses a soft kiss on Jaska’s forehead to soothe him.

The red on the guitarist’s face gets even darker and then Jaska stands up.

 Only now does Marko really realize their height differences.

Jaska places both hands on the singer’s cheeks. ‘You are pretty attractive too’, with that sentence, the taller man gives Marko a kiss fully on the lips.

 

_Although the playground was getting older and rusty, the bond between Marko and his new bandmember only strengthened._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That poor man, homeless again xD


	9. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marko & Jani: 26-27  
> Markus: 28  
> Olli: 25  
> Jaska: 27  
> Jari: 24

_Do you feel a change coming on,_

_Rolling out of the blue like a storm,_

_And it's throwing your dollhouse world in disarray_

_So you can rebuild or conform_

 

The singer and his two guitarists drive to Marko’s old house.

Olli looks excited. It has been six years since he visited that place. He wonders how much of the house and the playground is still intact.

But he isn’t surprised when he finds a lot of grass in the surrounding of the house.

 ‘Guess we’ll be busy this summer’, Marko groans a bit, although he is excited to live here again.

While Marko and Jaska are “arguing” who is going to get rid of all those plants, Olli approaches the front door.

 ‘Eh, guys? You might wanna see this?’, he exclaims.

The other men rush to the door to see what it is. Marko’s mouth hangs open in shock. The lock has been cracked open. Someone has been _inside_. Someone might _still_ be there.

 ‘I’ll go first’, Marko now whispers.

Hopefully the person who broke the lock, didn’t hear them.

Marko is the first to enter, Jaska follows and Olli is close behind. Their first impression is: the house is empty. But when they walk around the corner, it leaves the trio speechless.

 

There’s a man sleeping in the middle of what used to be the living room. He is resting in a sleeping bag.

Around him is some personal stuff: clothes, a flashlight, a can and a plate with some leftovers.

The thing that stands out the most, is a frigging snare drum which stands in the corner of the room.

Now Marko also notices the drumsticks which lie next to the man’s head.

 Jaska snorts as he feels quite familiar with the sight.

The three friends look at each other, not knowing what to do exactly.

Jaska decides to take the lead and steps forward to the stranger. He kneels down and reaches for the sleeping man’s shoulder.

 ‘Eh, hello?’, Jaska asks in a soft voice. He slightly pushes the man’s shoulder until he wakes up. He immediately gets startled and slaps in a reflex around him. One unfortunate hand comes in contact with the guitarist’s nose.

 ‘Wha- where am I?’, the man exclaims. He finally faces Jaska and the stranger’s face looks pale.

The guitarist is surprised to see the man’s face. He looks quite young.

The stranger then proceeds to crawl clumsily out of his sleeping bag and stands up. In the process, he has managed to grab his drumsticks from the ground.

 ‘W- who are you? And what are you doing here?’, he shouts while pointing at Marko and the others with his sticks as if he wants to protect himself. He tries to sound tough, but his voice is hesitating.

 Jaska holds out his hands and tries to hush the other man.

‘Don’t be afraid. We’re not here to hurt you!’, he says as calm as possible. The stranger’s hands tremble.

 ‘I! I- , how do I know if I can trust you?’, the man stammers.

‘Because if we weren’t trustworthy, we would’ve arrested you already because you’re on my property’, Marko says. The other man lets his arms and head hang now. He looks defeated.

 ‘I’m sorry. I’m just confused. And tired’, the young man almost snivels.

Jaska smiles and introduces himself. ‘I’m Jaska.’

 ‘Marko.’

‘And I’m Olli.’

 ‘I am Jari’, the stranger whispers. ‘I guess I’ll just pack my stuff and get out of here, then’, he mumbles, more to himself than to the others.

‘You probably wonder why I’m not living here if it’s my property’, Marko asks. Jari nods.

‘I inherited this place from my parents. They moved out a few years ago. I, myself, live somewhere else because of my studies. But now that I’m finished with school, I’m planning to live here again. So today I came here to check the house’, Marko explains himself.

 Jari just stands there, not knowing what to do.

Jaska walks up to the guy and pats him on the back. ‘Indeed. We’re are Marko’s friends and we’ll be helping him. We’re going to live here too. And there are actually two other guys as well. But now I’d like to know _your_ story. Cause I’m quite concerned about you, Jari.’

The younger man hesitates at first, but then decides to tell the others the truth.

 

‘I’m twenty-four at the moment. I, eh, please don’t laugh at me. The reason why I ended up here is pretty silly.’

 ‘It’s okay’, Jaska smiles reassuringly. You can tell us. We won’t judge. I mean, I’ve been homeless for quite some time until these guys came along.’

 ‘You were homeless?’, Jari asks in disbelief. The guitarist nods and says: ‘Yep. But that’s history now. I’m sorry for interrupting. Please, go on.’

 ‘I’, Jari inhales deeply before continuing, ‘I ran away from home. Sounds stupid, right? Like, I’m already an adult but yet I run away like a child. Why is that, you may wonder. Well, it’s because another stupid reason. It’s that thing there.’

  Olli, Jaska and Marko take a look at the drum.

‘You ran away because of that drum? Your parents didn’t like it?’, Olli guesses.

‘Pretty much. In fact, they hated it. Sounds silly. Even when I think about it, this is the most dumbest thing I’ve done’, Jari rambles on, regretting his choices. ‘I don’t know if I can ever face them again.’

The young man kneels down, hands in his hair out of despair. Now Olli joins Jari too.

 ‘Hey, Jari? You’re going to be alright’, he whispers. He isn’t so sure if he should make promises he can’t keep.

 ‘I- I don’t know. I stormed off without a word. They were very angry. I even left my phone at home so they couldn’t find me.’

 ‘So, how did you carry that thing with you?’, Olli pointed at the drum.

‘Bought it after I fled home. Saved some money for it too. Yes, it was intended. Now I’m regretting stuff. Heck, I’m regretting lots of choices’, Jari sounds at his wit’s end. With a thud, he sits down on his sleeping bag.

 ‘I’m sorry for causing this much trouble’, he finally breaks down in tears.

‘It’s alright, everyone goes through rough times’, Jaska dares to wrap an arm around the smaller man.

Jari lets him. Jaska sees himself in the younger man. He thinks they’re quite alike. Jaska was young and foolish too once.

‘What am I supposed to do?’, Jari mutters.

 ‘For now, rest a little. We’ll be here. You won’t be alone now. If you want, we can help you’, Marko promises.

 Jari’s glasses are clouded and wet from his tears. Olli notices this and carefully takes off the glasses and places them aside.

 ‘Don’t you cry. You’ll be alright. We work this out, together’, the blond guitarist tries to soothe.

‘Why are you guys so nice to me? You hardly know me and I hardly know you’, Jari wonders.

‘Because we understand you. Some of us have been there too. The least we can do, is comfort you now’, Jaska says.

Marko adds: ‘I don’t think you mean any harm by residing here. And last, but not least, you seem to be a musician.’

 ‘So, what about it?’, Jari snivels as he tries to look Marko in the eyes.

‘We’re musicians too. In fact, we have a small little band called Playground. And if you’ve looked or been outside, you’ve probably “met” the playground?’

 Jari nods. ‘Yes, yes I did.’

 

After Jari has overcome his emotions, he gives the other musicians a little demonstration of his drumming skills.

Marko, Jaska and Olli exchange some meaningful looks.

The singer lets Jaska announce the news. ‘Would you be up for joining our band?’

Jari blinks a few times. ‘Are, are you serious?’ Jaska grins and states: ‘I’m very sure. And so is Olli and Marko.’

After Jari has given it some thought, he decides to give it a try.

 ‘Don’t worry about your parents. If you want to, we could accompany you and help you talk with them’, Jaska suggests.

 ‘Thanks, but I think I can handle it now. Knowing I have some kind of backup’, Jari laughs nervously.

‘That’s great to hear. The other guys will be happy to hear about you’, Marko states. ‘From now, you won’t be alone.’

_Jari had stumbled upon that old playground when he was all alone and confused. But now he wasn’t alone anymore because Marko had stumbled upon a young drummer and decided to take him under his wing as well._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rebel! Jari xD


	10. Carry you over to a new morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marko & Jani: around 26-27  
> Markus: 28  
> Jaska: 27  
> Jari: 24  
> Olli: 25
> 
> We're still in the same year when Jari just joined the group :)

_Sleep, sugar, let your dreams flood in_

_Like waves of sweet fire, you're safe within_

‘This is a stupid idea’, Jaska snorts. ‘We just can’t fit in there. Not with six.’

Olli tries to measure the size of the tent. ‘Jaska might be right. It’s too small.’ Marko has to chuckle.

 ‘You and Jari count for one.’

Jari and Olli simultaneous roll their eyes.

 ‘Well, if my point of view is valid at all, I think it’s a great idea. Have we ever slept together like this?’, Markus declares. Jani agrees with Kapu.

 ‘It’s gonna be cozy. Just remind me why we’re not sleeping in the house again,’, he asks.

‘Well, eh, I thought it’d be nicer to sleep in a tent for a change. Besides, the house smells like paint now. With all the repainting and stuff’, Marko explains.

 Olli laughs: ‘It’s just a sorry excuse to get us all together in one cramped space.’

 ‘Maybe’, Marko gives the blond guitarist a cheeky grin and a raise of the eyebrow.

 

After a day of hard work on the reconstruction of the house, all six bandmembers decide to retreat to their tent.

They have put six mattresses in the main space and it takes up the whole floor. The guys dump their shoes in the entrance of the tent and wobble to their respected mattress.

 Marko lays in the left corner of the tent. Next to him lies Jari and Jaska sleeps next to the drummer.

On the opposite side of the singer is Markus. Olli lays in the middle and on the other side of the guitarist there is Jani.

   


‘It’s warm’, Jaska grunts. ‘Then take off your shirt’, Jari comments with a smirk.

Jaska sighs and comments: ‘Wouldn’t wanna do that, though. Otherwise you might die of a serious nosebleed. And I’m talking to _all_ of you.’

 Marko giggles. ‘I wouldn’t mind to have “ _Death by nosebleed because of Mäkinen’s hotness”_ engraved on my gravestone.’

The others laugh too. Olli and Jani have decided to spoon. The bassist presses some kisses down the blond guitarist’s neck.

Meanwhile Markus has taken a book to read.

The singer, however, has other plans. He teasingly hides the text with his hand which makes Kapu look up. ‘Marko’, he snorts as he furrows his brows. Marko giggles.

 ‘You’re such a child’, Jaska comments from the other corner of the small tent.

‘Aren’t we all children?’, Marko replies. It incites a groan from the rest of the group. 

 ‘You’re quite the talkative person, aren’t you?’, Jari remarks. Marko nods. ‘I sure am. Don’t like it?’

‘Well, I eh-’, Jari tries to find the right words.

 ‘I take that as a “no”.  You can shut me up, however’, he winks at his drummer.

‘Oh, please’, the youngest member snorts, having to roll his eyes again. Markus has now closed his book and crouches closer to Marko. With a grin he gives the singer a soft hit on Marko’s head with the object.

 

 ‘It’s time for the kiddies to go to bed’, Kapu states.

The singer rubs over his head and sighs. ‘I guess. So, is the good Captain going to give all the kiddies a goodnight kiss then?’

 Markus sighs as if annoyed. He pokes Marko’s nose before giving him a kiss there.

‘Goodnight, Marko. You baby’, he says as if talking to an actual baby. Next is Jari. Kapu gives the drummer a kiss on his left cheek. When the older man reaches Jaska, the guitarist is sitting on his mattress clapping his hands.

 ‘You too, Jaska, are a large baby’, Markus whispers in the man’s ear. He kisses him on his right cheek.

‘Here is your great example on how to behave well’, Captain points at Jani and Olli. They have their eyes closed already, while still laying in the spooning position.

When Kapu presses a kiss on Jani’s head, the bassist starts to giggle uncontrollably. Which infects Olli too. Markus lets oud a long, slightly frustrated breath.

 ‘Why did I decide to join Marko on his wild adventure of music again?’

‘Because you were the first one to join. And you happily agreed to take care of us kids’, Olli now sits up and kisses Markus on his mouth.

 ‘Probably’, the taller man grins and ruffles Olli’s hair in a playful way. ‘Stop it you!’, the blond guitarist exclaims. He looks for his pillow and then hits Markus with it.

 ‘So we’re going to play it like this, huh?’, a wide smirk appears on Kapu’s face. The man takes his own pillow and gives Olli a taste of his own medicine.

  Jani, who now sits up too, shouts: ‘Oh, pillow fight!’

Soon all six men find themselves lost in an intense pillow fight.

Jari has managed to take two pillows which he waves around with randomly. One pillow hits the blond guitarist.

 Jaska and Marko are sparring, Jaska being the “attacker” and Marko holding his pillow in front of his chest as a defense.

 They’re circling each other and a sneaky Jani sees this as an opportunity to strike.

The bassist gives Jaska’s butt a kick with the pillow. While Jaska turns around to find the culprit, Marko takes his own opportunity to give Jaska a taste of his pillow in the back.

 ‘You sneaky bastards’, Jaska chases Jani around in the small space.

Marko sits down and yawns. Then Jari suddenly falls against the singer. Olli and Kapu have pushed him.

Jari magically ends up in the singer’s lap.

 ‘Oh, hey, Marko?’, the drummer grins. Marko smiles and runs his hand through the man’s brown locks of hair.

 ‘Your glasses are a bit wry’, the older man notices.

‘That’s _their_ fault, you should punish them, Marko’, Jari points at the blond guitarist and the keyboardist who try their best to look as innocent as possible. Markus only bursts out in laughter and Olli soon follows.

 ‘I’m afraid I’m really going to bed now’, Marko states. ‘I’m getting too old for this.’

Jari snickers and brushes Marko’s cheek with his hand. ‘You’re still twenty-six or what? Besides, Markus is a year older. Don’t hear him complain.’

Marko pouts: ‘You’re getting tired, too. You’re already laying in my lap.’

 ‘That’s because they made me fall on you’, the drummer argues. He then crawls back up and kisses the singer on his cheek and adds: ‘And I’ve also fallen for you.’

 Jari crouches back to his mattress and pulls his blanket over him. The chase between Jaska and Jani has ended. Both are sitting on their respective cushions, still catching their breaths.

 Kapu and Olli have decided to lie back too.

The singer starts to hum a song they’ve simply titled _Sleep_. It’s their latest song and it makes all of them actually sleepy.

 

The friends are now laying in a circle. Their heads close to one another. Kapu has turned off the lamp which leaves them in total darkness.

 ‘I’m going to sleep for real now’, Marko mumbles.

‘As long as  you don’t snore’, Olli jokes. ‘You do know _you_ actually snore too, Olli?’, Jari chuckles as he tries to look for Olli’s face in the dark.

 ‘Shut up, Jari’, the guitarist huffs but he is actually smirking. ‘Are you smirking?’, Jari guesses. He turns onto his belly and with stretched arms, he searches for Olli’s face.

 ‘Hey, watch out!’, the man exclaims.

‘I’m sorry. I don’t have my glasses on and it’s quite dark but you are smirking, aren’t you?’, Jari exaggeratedly drags his hands all over the guitarist’s face. Olli giggles and teasingly sticks out his tongue. ‘Damn it, Olli’, Jari hisses.

 ‘Then stop putting your fingers in my eyes’, the other man snorts.

‘Hey! Can we finally sleep now?’,  Jaska’s voice is heard. Jari turns to the taller guitarist and apologizes:  

  ‘Sorry, grumpy cat. Here’s a goodnight kiss. Pass it on.’

To not break their “tradition”, Jaska gives Jani a kiss on his head.

The bassist sounds really drowsy: ‘Wh- whazappening?’

 ‘Nothing. We’re just exchanging some kisses’, Olli informs. He leans closer to his friend and kisses Jani.

He then turns to Markus who he then smooches on the cheeks.

 ‘From Jani’, he adds.

Kapu looks for the singer. He is still lying on his back. His mouth forms a smile when he feels Markus’ lips against his. ‘Good night, Markus. I believe we’ve done this earlier this night.’

 ‘What, don’t like it?’

‘No, I like it. From you, I could get millions of kisses and never grow tired of it’, the singer muses. He rolls on his side to pass Kapu’s kiss onto the youngest crewmember. They first give each other an Eskimo kiss before Marko places an actual kiss on Jari’s forehead. Jaska then kisses Jari’s right cheek to complete the circle.

 

 ‘Good night, Jari.’

‘Good night, Jaska.’

 ‘Sleep well, Olli.’

‘Have good dreams, Markus.’

 ‘Have sweet dreams, Jani.’

‘Good night, Marko.’

 

_On that playground, many dreams were made and shared. On that playground, when they all slept together, thoughts and philosophies got entwined. During the night, their hearts connected and started to beat as one. Steady and peaceful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao, srry for that photo, just wanted to make sure y'all knew what position they were in xD


	11. One more time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time skip  
> Just know they aren't in their twenties anymore :P

_Oh to see the sun's eclipse_

_on the horizon like ships_

_sailing way away from here_

_Oh just one more time my dear_

 

Marko and the other bandmembers stand next to Jari. They all watch the sun lower in the distance.

‘I’m afraid this is the end’, Jari holds back some tears.

Marko places a reassuring hand on the drummer’s shoulder. Jaska does the same. Kapu stands behind Jari and slowly caresses the younger man’s back.

 ‘You will still live after this is over', Jani says almost soundless. Jari nods. A tear rolls over his cheek. Another follows. It hurts to see their friend crying. They all close in for a firm group’s hug.

 ‘You’ll be fine. We will be there to support you’, Marko whispers. He has to make sure he isn’t going to cry too. He cannot allow himself to cry now when Jari needs him.

 Jaska pats Jari on his head. ‘It’s going to be okay.’

‘I, it’s just unbelievable. This is the last time I can see the sun. That I can see you guys’, Jari weeps.

Jani places himself in front of the drummer and takes his face in both hands to make him look up.

 ‘Then you better remember this’, he kisses his friend on the cheeks and then on his bruised lips.

 

_That was the last time Jari got to see the playground that was loved by them all. It was the last time he saw anything at all. But his friends at least remained._


	12. Just before the shadows

_Before I'll go hear me out_

_Cos of this there ain't no doubt_

_When it's time for curtain call_

_Just before the shadows..._

‘I love you all.’

‘We know. We love you too, Jani.’

They all lay together on mattresses in the living room. It’s much cozier that way and they can all embrace their favorite bassist better. On both sides of Jani lay Jaska and Olli.

Jaska’s arm is swung over Jani’s chest. Olli’s hand rests on the bassist’s head. Marko and Markus lay on the opposite side of the other three men.

 

When the night falls everyone’s asleep but Jani is still awake. His eyes are focused on the ceiling. He gasps. He then turns his exhausted head and looks at his friends. They are all sleeping peacefully.

He is sure of it. He has been blessed ever since his parents moved to this town. He has been blessed from the very moment he became Marko’s classmate.

  Even after the divorce of his parents, his friends were still there. They kept supporting him.

And now they were at his side too. Jani could hardly believe it. After all those years.

 

He can hear their hearts beat. And if he closes his eyes, he tries to hear their thoughts. They are all dreaming. Jaska is probably dreaming about his irons. Olli is totally dreaming about being in a swimming pool on a tube with his trustworthy Ibanez. Jani lets out a faint chuckle when he imagines the sight.

Markus and Marko are sharing some sweet moments from their time at the playground as little kids.

 Then Jani’s eyes open again.

Part of him doesn’t want to sleep. Doesn’t _dare_ to sleep. Suddenly he feels his heart ache. Fear clings to his heart like a dirty claw. The bassist sweats and breathing becomes difficult.

 

**Dream you wide awake**

_Another place and time, without a warning sign_

_And we could be dying angel style_

 

‘It’s okay, Jani’, a warm voice frees the bassist from his dark thoughts. Jani looks around the room. None of the other bandmembers are awake. He sees a shadow on the wall.

 He blinks in disbelief. His heart starts to beat faster. A hopeful beat.

That shadow. That shape. It’s Jari’s.

‘Am I dreaming?’, the bassist stammers. Tears start to roll down his cheeks. He misses that guy so much.

‘No, you’re not. I’m just here to comfort you’, Jari steps out of his shadow and kneels beside Jani.

He brushes the man’s head and hums a calm song. It’s _Fragile_.

 Jani closes his eyes and lets himself drift away in that song.

Marko wrote that song for them. For if they ever felt discouraged or frightened. For if they ever felt doubtful about themselves or the world.

 And now Jari is humming it to him. How lovely.

 

**I'll take away all your fears**

_I'll guide your sweet soul into mine_  
  


‘You can let go of your fears, Jani’, Jari whispers.

‘But I’m so afraid.’

‘I know, I know. But you don’t have to be scared. You’ll be okay. I know this step is difficult to take. But you have to let go’, Jari hushes.

 ‘I don’t want to lose you again. I don’t want to lose _them_. Olli, Marko, Markus, Jaska. I can’t let them go! I’, Jani’s words get stuck in his throat.

  ‘You won’t lose me nor will you lose them’, Jari says with his sweet voice.

‘But they’ll lose me. I don’t want to die. I’m afraid, Jari’, Jani whispers back, almost choking on his own tears.

Jari now lays next to Jani and that is when the bassist notices his friends have disappeared and he’s all alone with the drummer. Jari hugs the taller man. It makes Jani’s body tingle in a pleasant way.

 ‘Hush, my love. I’ll be with you. They will still be there. The heart and mind can reach further than the physical world, you know’, Jari muses and Jani silently nods. He knows.

  ‘I- I’ll miss them so much. Like I missed you. And sometimes I’m afraid they’ll forget me’, Jani stutters.

‘They won’t. You didn’t forget about me, nor will they ever forget about you. Remember Orion. He keeps us together forever. When they awake, they’ll be at your side like always. Hush, Jani. It’s time to close your eyes now. You’re tired and you need some good sleep.’

 Jani smiles against Jari’s chest. Jari is right. He is exhausted.

He falls into a dreamless sleep.

  ‘See you at the other side’, Jari whispers.

 

_The day after, the tree of the playground was naked._


	13. A leaf in the wind

_Fall like a leaf in the wind on the ocean_

_Of blue like your eyes in the twilight theater_

He compares him to a leaf in the wind. A colorful leaf of flashes of green and orange and brown.

He looks so weightless. When he jumps around the stage, all the other bandmembers are flabbergasted as they witness Olli reach new heights every day. Almost literally.

When Marko looks at the lyrics of their newest song, he smiles.

In the song, he is actually talking about Olli’s eyes. His blue eyes. They twinkle for him and the other bandmembers.

And when they make love in the bedroom with the curtains still open, the moon is reflected in Olli’s wonderful eyes.

 

Even _now,_ Marko compares Olli to a leaf. A falling leaf. A _fallen_ leaf that lays on the mirror of the world.

Although the leaf might be thin, it still has an impact when it hits the surface.

It leaves the water moved. It wrinkles the ocean. Those small circles leave larger rings and more rings.

Marko compares it with the beat of a butterfly wing. One small creature with such a large impact.

 

Olli is that butterfly. Olli is that leaf. He has left a deep print into the souls of his loved ones.

 

_On that day, Marko sees how the playground has transformed into a twilight theatre with Olli standing in the middle of it._


	14. Given and denied

_With symphonies playing in the world without sound_

_We're given and denied_

It’s a bloody accident. A car crash. A tremendous and horrible noise. Markus is sure he can feel his ears bleed. He becomes light headed. Somewhere in the distance there are sirens audible but not for Markus. He is already unconscious when the ambulance arrives.

 

When Kapu awakens, he is surrounded by his friends. Marko and Jaska. Marko is sitting in a wheelchair. Jaska stands behind him.

 ‘Welcome back’, Jaska nods with a careful smile. Kapu doesn’t know what to think. He sees the other man’s lips move but he can’t hear him. When the singer opens his mouth, there is no sound either.

Kapu feels his face go pale and by the reaction of his friends, he is sure of it.

 Marko rolls quickly to the keyboardist’s bed. He tries to hold Kapu’s hand and is talking again.

‘Can’t hear anymore’, Markus tries to speak but he doesn’t know if he actually produces any words. He feels helpless. Jaska now stands at Markus’ side too. In silence, they take comfort in each other.

 

When Markus gets back home again, he is looking for some papers. Marko and Jaska are sitting in the living room. They are informing themselves on the language for the deaf.

Kapu returns to the room with a piece of paper. He places the thing on Marko’s lap. The singer observes and sees it’s his original hand written script for _Given and Denied_. He sees a part has been underlined with green.

 ‘Symphonies in a world without sound’, Marko says out loud. Of course, Kapu can’t hear him but he understands.  

 Marko takes a pen and scribbles a question on the back of the paper.

 _Is this how you feel?_  

His friend nods. Jaska takes a look at the paper too. He gives Markus a meaningful hug.

 

_The playground was becoming more silent every day._


	15. Vacant swings

_Give me back my innocence cos I wish to dream again_

_Like I never outgrew my old playground_

_Where the sun sets slowly with a golden crown and the leaves sing lullabies 'round vacant swings_

_Give me those wings_

Marko rolls himself outside the house. He moves to the playground. Their playground. His playground.

He takes in the fresh morning air. A strong melancholy strikes him as he looks at the place.

The paint is almost completely gone. Old flakes are left. It’s rusty.

The singer stares at the empty swings. He wants to sit on them. Inhale. Exhale. He gathers all his strength and lifts himself out of the wheelchair and actually _walks_ towards one of the six swings.

 He doesn’t ask himself why he is possible to do that.

When he finally sits down, he sways lightly and lets his feet float. He starts to swing higher and higher.

The leaves rustle and he swears he can hear _their_ voices. The leaves are talking to him.

 _They_ are talking to him. _He_ is talking to him.

 

A firm breeze shakes up some leaves. They get ripped off from their branches and whirl around the singer. It almost feels magical.

They start to dance with Marko’s movements. They go up and down like the singer in his swing.

Then he notices it. Marko sees how the leaves start to form a face. It’s Jaska. One hand reaches for the guitarist. Marko swings back with all his might. Then he swings forward with an equal force.

He takes the leap of faith.

 

First he is afraid he will fall. But Jaska is there to catch him. Jaska’s body has formed in the leaves and he takes Marko in his strong arms. Marko looks over his shoulder he notices he has gotten wings.

   Wings made out of leaves.

‘Jaska. Take me with you’, Marko shouts desperately.

 ‘I’m afraid I can’t. Not yet’, Jaska answers. He has a worried look on his non-existent face.

‘Why not? When will be my time?’, the singer asks, blinded by his own tears.

 ‘You will know, Marko. You’re a strong man. You can do this’, Jaska whispers in Marko’s ear.

 

_The playground was abandoned. Marko never mentioned the five gravestones that were placed close to those swings._


	16. Illusion & Dream

_Let me fly once again_

_Like I did way back when_

 

The weather is freezing cold. Marko, however, sits outside in the garden in his wheelchair.

A thick blanket is placed over the man by Markus. Olli has pushed the cart outside but has returned inside because he thought it was too cold. The others also stay inside. All his friends have begged Marko to stay inside too, but the singer is stubborn as ever.

 ‘Why go outside when everyone else is inside?’, Markus wants to know.

Marko closes his eyes and smiles. ‘I like the view from upon this hill, Markus. Especially in the early morning. You can perfectly see the sun rise from here. But I guess I don’t need to tell you that anymore.’

 Markus silently nods as he looks at the horizon with his partner. They’ve done that many times.

Watching the sunrise together. Only him and Marko. With the other bandmembers. Alone.

The singer starts to cough heavily. Kapu taps him gently on his back and starts to roll the wheelchair back to the house.

 ‘You’ll catch a cold if we stay in the open like this. Come on’, Markus says in a low voice.

‘I know’, Marko lowers his head. ‘I’ll miss this place. Wish I could sway on those swings again. Wish I could walk again. Maybe even fly.’

Markus remains silent. He doesn’t know if there are things he could say now to comfort Marko.

 

_Marko didn’t visit the playground that often anymore. Especially after he got in that damned wheelchair._


	17. What future?

_I would gamble and win_

_To lift me high above the din_

_Of the future we see_

_Does it hold something for me_

 

Marko is still laying in his bed. His whole body is becoming heavier. He finally opens his eyes and stares at the grey ceiling. He should’ve painted it white again. But how?

It’s not like he can move in his current state.  Then he sobs. A hand pressed against his face to muffle the silent cries.

 ‘Shit.’

Why do the lyrics to _Given and Denied_ hit him so hard now?

Maybe because it reminds him of the state he is in now. Maybe because he thinks about his future.

 What future does he see? None.

He only sees an unfillable future ahead with no new dreams or hopes.

The retired singer feels hopeless. He is all alone now. All his friends are gone already. They all left him earlier than expected. And here he is. All by himself. Oh how he wishes he was in their company again. Oh, how Marko wishes to see them smile again. To feel them by his side again.

 Sometimes he dreams about them.

He dreams about Markus, his childhood friend. He dreams about Jani, his favorite classmate back in the days. He dreams about Olli, that cheerful kid that sailed into his life. He dreams about Jaska and the wonderful sounds he created with that guitar of his. And finally Marko dreams about Jari, the youngest bandmember.

 Marko also dreams a lot about the playground.

 

He sees himself reflected in that place.

He grew up with the thing and now he is getting older, just like that playground. Becoming all rusty and motionless.

Hopes and dreams were built there. Dreams became a reality there. And now, all of it has come to an end.

 

_Marko wonders how that playground can hold so much memories. How can that playground evoke so many emotions? How can his playground be so beautiful and yet haunt him?_


	18. Weightless

_I'm weightless again_

_Just before the shadows..._

‘Hey, Marko!’

‘Markus!’, Marko runs towards the colorful playground. When did the thing become colorful again?

‘Where were you? We’ve been waiting for you, y’know?’, Jani and Olli are sitting on the seesaw.

Marko greets them with a bright smile. Jaska is climbing onto the slide and waves at his friend.

Kapu and Jari are on the swing set. They compete against each other to see who jumps the furthest.

The singer remembers the time he and the bassist did that and how it eventually ended in Jani kissing him. A single tear rolls out of Marko’s left eye as he recalls that moment.

 He joins the keyboardist and the drummer on the swings.

It doesn’t matter that they’re all grownups now. One can simply not outgrow this playground.

Eventually they are all sitting on the swings. ‘You guys, I’m so glad to see you’, Marko exclaims in joy.

 ‘We’re happy to see you too, Marko. I thought you wouldn’t make it to this place’, Jari smiles at him.

‘Yeah’, comes Marko’s whispered reply.

 ‘So, where were you? You got detention again because you were scribbling on your tests?’, Jani grins.

It makes Marko and the others laugh.

 ‘I actually don’t know where I was’, the singer softly answers. Suddenly he realizes how this whole scene doesn’t make any sense.

 ‘You were dreaming’, Olli states. Marko nods. ‘I guess.’

‘So now it’s time to wake up.’

 

_Marko dreamed of that playground. The playground where everything was possible. Where everything seemed timeless and where everyone was alive._


	19. No end, no beginning

_If there’s no end_

_There can be no beginning_

 

The tears on the singer’s face have dried up. He has cried and he has mourned and he has feared.

But that’s all over now. Marko is actually surprised.

He feels some kind of serenity, although there has been chaos in his head a few moments earlier.

 His heart starts to beat slower. Not fast paced anymore.

Marko decides to not worry anymore. He is almost ready.

 

He manages to look at the playground once more. Just one more time.

The green is green like ever. The large tree in the middle of the meadow forever bulky and strong.

He can see the six swings move lightly due to the soft breeze. The old seesaw is heard creaking.

Yet, Marko thinks it’s a very soothing sound to hear.

 

The vision of the singer starts to blur. His heart is beating even slower now.

Marko’s mind becomes blank. Only five names keep lingering in his consciousness.

_Markus._

_Jani._

_Olli._

_Jaska._

_Jari._


	20. On the ocean of blue

_Fall like a leaf..._

 

‘Marko’, a choir seems to chant a name.

A man awakes from a strange dream. The bed he is lying in, feels familiar. Just like the walls that surround him. When the man looks outside of the window, he sees a playground. Somehow, he knows that place.

 ‘Marko’, the choir repeats and the confused man starts to distinguish the voices.

He blinks with his eyes and finally sees five other men standing at his bedside.

 ‘Wh- what? Where am I? _Who_ am I?’, the man asks, a little bit afraid.

‘You’re Marko Saaresto’, the bald man replies. He gives a warm smile. The other people smile too.

 ‘I’m Marko’, the man in the bed repeats. Then it all comes back to him.

‘You are Markus. You are my friends’, Marko finally states with a cracked voice. His friends nod. Now Jaska steps forward.

 He holds out his hand and Marko grabs it firmly.

‘It’s finally time’, he says. The singer shakes his head and scratches his hair. ‘How? I cannot walk anymore.’

 ‘You _can_ walk. You can fly. All your sorrows are undone now’, Jari is _looking_ at him. The drummer is no longer blind anymore.

Tears form in the corners of Marko’s eyes. He can’t believe it. Is he dreaming? Is this another bittersweet dream that will be shattered when he wakes up?

  Jani walks up to Marko’s bed and leans over to hug the other man.

‘We’re glad to have you back, Marko. We missed you so much’, he whispers.

‘You fools, why did you leave me? I felt so lonely’, Marko snivels. The bassist strokes Marko’s back in a soothing way and hushes him.

 ‘We’re sorry. But everyone has to go eventually. It’s a part of life.’

Marko sighs and quotes: ‘You’re right. If there’s no end, there can be no beginning.’

With those words, Marko finally crawls out of his bed until his feet are stable on the ground.

He takes Jani and Olli’s hand in his own.

 ‘Where are you taking me?’, the singer asks curiously.

‘To the playground of the afterlife’, Olli answers. He gently squeezes Marko’s hand as a comforting gesture. Markus grins and states: ‘There, we can cuddle like we did in the old days. And now, we can even cuddle forever.’

 

The six friends step outside the room and a bright light blinds the singer.

His eyes dare to open again and what he sees, leaves him speechless.

The singer is back on the playground. The tree stands strong and is adorned with splendorous green leaves. The swings are awaiting them eagerly. The seesaw and the slide are bright like they were in the very beginning. Marko walks to the end of the playground and sees water.

An endless ocean spreads in front of him.

He suddenly feels a soft touch on his shoulder. It’s a leaf. Marko smiles and lets the leaf whirl onto the glossy surface of the water.

 Then he looks at his own reflection. When the water isn’t blurry anymore, five faces have joined his reflection.

 Marko turns around and sees all his friends stand there. They all look so young again. Their hearts beating wildly, smiles brighter than the sun, arms opened for an embrace. And Marko embraces them all.

He hugs them tightly.

 

Eventually they go up in star dust, only to reform again in that sky. They become the stars.

If you look up at the sky on a cloudless night, you can still see Orion.

The real stars may have extinguished a long time ago already, but _their_ souls shine just as bright. They keep the constellation alive.

There, in that endless sky, they are reunited forever.

 

_Once upon a playground rainy, a final leaf detaches from the tree and slowly falls into a puddle of water._


End file.
